


In the Greatest City in the World

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, F/F, F/M, Genderflux Character, Lesbian Character, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-07-23 20:45:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7479315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A self-indulgent, extremely unplanned texting AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is a very light-hearted type of chapter, but this fic will probably turn out to be serious in a chapter or so. Also, as for names, though they should be mostly obvious:
> 
> Alexander - adotFIGHTME  
> John - turtle  
> Hercules - idontfuckhorses  
> Lafayette - americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD  
> Burr - adotburr  
> Theodosia - theogaysia  
> Adrienne de Lafayette - gaydrienne  
> Maria Reynolds - gayria  
> Angelica - angelschuyler  
> Eliza - lizardschuyler  
> Peggy - margaritaschuyler  
> Washington - G-Wash  
> Martha Washington - M-Wash

_9:32:19 AM_

**adotFIGHTME:** john stole my sweater :(  
**adotburr:** Which one  
**adotFIGHTME:** the really old gray one  
**adotburr:** Which one  
**adotFIGHTME:** fuck you  
**adotburr:** I have a girlfriend, Alexander  
**G-Wash:** get back to fucking work Alexander  
**adotburr:** Yes, Alexander  
**adotburr:** Get back to work  
**adotFIGHTME:** (middle finger emoji)  
**G-Wash:** alexnander  
**adotFIGHTME:** that’s not my name sir  
**turtle:** alex i will give you your sweater later just please work you need to help pay rent  
**adotFIGHTME:** shit  
**adotFIGHTME:** ok  
**gayria:** lol gay  
**lizardschuyler:** MARIA LITERALLY NO ONE HERE IS STRAIGHT  
**gayria:** lol gay  
**lizardschuyler:** M A R I A  
**margaritaschuyler:** shes not lyin tho  
**angelschuyler:** ^  
**lizardschuyler:** MARGARITA _FUCKING_ SCHUYLER GET BACK TO BREWING YOUR SHITTY STARBUCKS COFFEE  
**margaritaschuyler:** holy shit  
**lizardschuyler:** i would tell ange to get back to work too but she is my Elder  
**angelschuyler:** damn right lmao  
**M-Wash:** Angelica, get back to work.  
**G-Wash:** Angelica  
**angelschuyler:** shit ok  
**idontfuckhorses:** roasted  
**G-Wash:** Hercules  
**idontfuckhorses:** IM SORRY BOSS  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** savage, george  
**G-Wash:** Son  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** im your son????????????  
**G-Wash:** Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de La Fayette  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** GOODBYE  
**G-Wash:** theodosia?  
**G-Wash:** adrienne?  
**G-Wash:** maria?  
**M-Wash:** I assume they’re working too.  
**G-Wash:** Okay  
\---  
_5:01:09 PM_

 **americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** dad  
**G-Wash:** son  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** would you like to play a game of  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** how u say  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** catch  
**G-Wash:** no leave me alone son  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** D:  
**idontfuckhorses:** rejected  
**adotFIGHTME:** cockblocked  
**M-Wash:** Stop harassing my son  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** :D  
**theogaysia:** you leave to work like a RESPONSIBLE PERSON for one fucking second  
**adotburr:** You see now, Theo  
**adotburr:** This is what I’ve been putting up with for three years  
**gaydrienne:** says the man who types with proper capitalization  
**gayria:** holy shit adri  
**theogaysia:** THATS MY BOYFRIEND YOU LITTLE SHITS  
**adotburr:** I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now  
**adotFIGHTME:** this is fucking wild im screenshotting  
**turtle:** ‘im screenshotting’ - alexander MOTEHRFUCKING hamilton every moment of the day  
**adotFIGHTME:** JOHN  
**gayria:** lol gay  
**adotFIGHTME:** bi* :/  
**gayria:** lol bi  
**adotFIGHTME:** thx maria  
**margaritaschuyler:** true neutral  
**gaydrienne:** SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT DND ALIGNMENTS OH my GoD  
**margaritaschuyler:** chaotic evil  
**theogaysia:** adri just fell over on my bed facefirst screaming, peggy  
**margaritaschuyler:** sick lol  
**lizardschuyler:** chaotic evil behavior, i see, peggy  
**adotburr:** This is getting out of hand  
**adotFIGHTME:** lawful neutral  
**adotFIGHTME:** okay but lets talk about that like burr would totally be a lawful neutral  
**turtle:** this is true  
**turtle:** also alex is either chaotic good or chaotic neutral  
**turtle:** or chaotic evil  
**turtle:** all i know is that he is very chaotic  
**adotFIGHTME:** peggy is chaotic evil  
**angelschuyler:** true  
**margaritaschuyler:** i approve of this  
**lizardschuyler:** angelica is true neutral  
**angelschuyler:** eliza is neutral good  
**lizardschuyler:** :D  
**idontfuckhorses:** laf is  
**idontfuckhorses:** lawful neutral?  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** chaotic neutral  
**adotburr:** Theo is neutral good  
**theogaysia:** hell yeah  
**gaydrienne:** im chaotic neutral  
**gayria:** im true neutral peggy spoke true  
**adotFIGHTME:** john is chaotic neutral  
**adotFIGHTME:** can i have my sweater back john  
**turtle:** you have like five of the same sweater  
**adotFIGHTME:** chaotic neutral :/  
**angelschuyler:** GUYS WHAT ABOUT HOGWARTS HOUSES  
**adotFIGHTME:** burr is slytherin  
**turtle:** burr is in slytherin  
**theogaysia:** aaron is a slytherin  
**adotburr:** Why is that common knowledge  
**adotburr:** Why is it that whenever someone says ‘Hogwarts’ around me everyone just shouts ‘Burr is a Slytherin’ in unison  
**theogaysia:** bc ur a slytherin  
**adotburr:** Okay  
**adotburr:** Then Alexander is a Slytherin too  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** im hufflepuff  
**idontfuckhorses:** i am, the gryffindor  
**margaritaschuyler:** ANGE IS A RAVENCLAW  
**lizardschuyler:** ^^^^  
**angelschuyler:** yeah  
**angelschuyler:** peggy is slytherin and eliza is hufflepuff as FUCK  
**adotFIGHTME:** burr  
**adotFIGHTME:** i cant be a slytherin  
**adotFIGHTME:** jefferson is a slytherin  
**adotburr:** I know, Hamilton.  
**adotburr:** I know.  
**adotFIGHTME:** now detected:  
**adotburr:** Do not  
**adotFIGHTME:** sympathy. perhaps connected to the coveted opinion?  
**adotburr:** Fuck you  
**adotFIGHTME:** you have a girlfriend aaron  
**theogaysia:** this is stupid lmao  
**theogaysia:** im open to polyamory if ur going to keep being gay fucks  
**adotburr:** THEO  
**adotFIGHTME:** im a bisexual fuck not a gay fuck all three of us are bisexual theodosia  
**theogaysia:** im open to polyamory if ur going to keep being gay fucks  
**adotFIGHTME:** ^^^ biphobia exists  
**turtle:** theogaysia no  
**angelschuyler:** this is a fucking train wreck  
**adotFIGHTME:** hey guys i just ran out of pokeballs does anyone want to come with me to the pokestop near me  & johns apartment  
**theogaysia:** me and aaron will come i want to catch some pokemon  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** im coming  
**turtle:** ok lemme just put on this sweater  
**adotFIGHTME:** YOURE NOT EVEN FUCKING WEARING IT  
**adotFIGHTME:** I HATE YOU JOHN LAURENS  
**turtle:** no you dont  
**adotFIGHTME:** no i dont  
**gayria:** THATS THE GAYEST THING IVE EVER SEEN WHAT THE FUCK  
**theogaysia:** GAY LMAO  
**gaydrienne:** GAY  
**adotFIGHTME:** UP SHUT YOUR ASS MOTHERBITCHES  
**turtle:** shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
**angelschuyler:** what,  
**angelschuyler:** is hapen  
**lizardschuyler:** i dont know  
**margaritaschuyler:** i dont know either  
**margaritaschuyler:** but yeah i just evolved my clefairy im heading out to challenge a gym  
**margaritaschuyler:** ill meet you guys at your apartment  
**lizardschuyler:** IM COMING I WANT TO SEE PEGGY DESTROY SOMEONE  
**angelschuyler:** me too  
**gayria:** THERES A CUBONE NEARBY I NEED TO CATCH IT  
**gaydrienne:** ME TOO  
**theogaysia:** WAIT WHAT THE FUCK AARON COME TO OUR APARTMENT  
**adotburr:** TELL ME IF YOU CATCH IT I’M COMING OVER


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone is gay and no one is okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im going to release another hamilton fic in a few days once i finish the first chapter and its going to be lams of course

_5:51:34 PM_  
**adotFIGHTME:** we met a fuckton of people chasing down a bulbasaur  
**adotFIGHTME:** john caught it  
**turtle:** i have a way with animals  
**adotburr:** I CAUGHT THE CUBONE  
**theogaysia:** now i dont have a cubone :(  
**adotFIGHTME:** one time i saw a dragonite on my nearby radar  
**adotFIGHTME:** i went outside at 1 in the morning to try and catch it  
**adotFIGHTME:** it disappeared i think someone else caught it  
**turtle:** oh thats where you went  
**turtle:** THERE WAS A DRAGONITE NEARBY AND YOU DIDN’T WAKE ME UP WHAT THE FUCK  
**margaritaschuyler:** I HAVE TAKEN OVER A GYM AND AM ON MY WAY TO ANOTHER  
**lizardschuyler:** MAKE WAY FOR GOD  
**angelschuyler:** HERE COME DAT BOI  
**adotFIGHTME:** O SHIT WADDUP  
**theogaysia:** O SHIT WADDUP  
**adotburr:** O SHIT WADDUP  
**turtle:** O SHIT WADDUP  
**gayria:** O SHIT WADDUP  
**gaydrienne:** O SHIT WADDUP  
**lizardschuyler:** O SHIT WADDUP  
**idontfuckhorses:** O SHIT WADDUP  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** O SHIT WADDUP  
**angelschuyler:** jesus christ  
**turtle:** yall need to calm your asses down  
**adotFIGHTME:** yall  
**turtle:** shut the fuck up  
**idontfuckhorses:** yr a feisty one  
**turtle:** shut the FUCK up  
**adotburr:** My roommate has been eating nothing but macaroni and cheese for a week  
**adotFIGHTME:** are you rooming with jefferson’s twin  
**adotburr:** Actually  
**adotburr:** ...Yeah sure believe that  
**angelschuyler:** ARE YOU ROOMMATES WITH MY STALKER  
**margaritaschuyler:** WHAT THE FUCK BURR  
**lizardschuyler:** ...so how the FUCK did we not know about this  
**adotburr:** James convinced him to pay most of the rent and I am a poor man  
**idontfuckhorses:** are you rooming with madison too  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** tjeff and jemmy arent that bad  
**turtle:** once in debate class jefferson said “all lives matter” to me and meant it  
**adotburr:** Also Thomas vapes  
**adotburr:** Madison isn’t that bad though we studied together in college  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** i changed my mind about thomas  
**G-Wash:** do you need more money, Aaron?  
**adotburr:** No, I’m fine, sir  
**adotburr:** Thomas Jefferson is a rich asshole he can keep paying rent  
**G-Wash:** Okay  
**idontfuckhorses:** savage but also jefferson deserves it  
**adotFIGHTME:** jefferson is the worst thing this world has ever created  
**turtle:** ^^^  
**angelschuyler:** ^  
**adotburr:** At least he has the decency not to be a homophobic asshat  
**margaritaschuyler:** THAT’S THREE GYMS  
**margaritaschuyler:** gonna head home now  
**angelschuyler:** okay so i just remembered  
**angelschuyler:** one time  
**angelschuyler:** we were at work and suddenly our boss comes out of his office on his phone shouting ‘THERE’S A POKEMON IN HERE’  
**lizardschuyler:** and like half of the people in the store looked at their phones  
**margaritaschuyler:** it was a pidgey  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** who caught it though?????  
**margaritaschuyler:** some weird guy who works here  
**angelschuyler:** charles lee, gross homophobic kid  
**adotFIGHTME:** disgusting  
**margaritaschuyler:** ungrateful asshole whos always trying to get us fired for some reason  
**adotburr:** Didn’t we go to college with Charles Lee, Alexander  
**adotFIGHTME:** fuck  
**turtle:** holy shit  
**turtle:** WASNT THAT WHEN YOU WERE STILL DATING ELIZA  
**lizardschuyler:** shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. shh  
**lizardschuyler:** we dont talk about that  
**lizardschuyler:** also it was for the best that we broke up i was going to a different college and alexander was already in love with you anyways john laurens  
**adotFIGHTME:** SHUT THE FUCK UP  
**turtle:** go away eliza  
**gayria:** lol  
**lizardschuyler:** dont do it  
**gayria:** _g a y_  
**lizardschuyler:** jesus christ  
**gaydrienne:** that name has no place in a room full of S I N  
**angelschuyler:** THERES A CHARMANDER NEARBY  
**margaritaschuyler:** OH GOD THERES A CROWD OF PEOPLE IN THE HALL LOOKING FOR IT BBL  
**turtle:** damn  
**turtle:** what did yall get for starters anyways  
**adotFIGHTME:** charmander  
**adotburr:** bulbasaur  
**lizardschuyler:** squirtle  
**turtle:** yo me too  
**lizardschuyler:** you have a type, alex  
**adotFIGHTME:** hSDKLF”AS:FJI  
**gayria:** HOLY SHIT ELIZA  
**idontfuckhorses:** that was the smoothest thing ive ever seen  
**turtle:** //backflips out the window  
**turtle:** goodbye. i am dead i am deceased  
**theogaysia:** so long john laurens  
**margaritaschuyler:** I’LL RICKROLL THE FUNERAL  
**angelschuyler:** everyone bring airhorns  
**adotburr:** Replace all of the food with Doritos and the drinks with Mtn Dew  
**gaydrienne:** i will supply the doritos  
**gayria:** and i the mountain dew  
**adotFIGHTME:** true friends sabotage each other’s funerals  
**turtle:** Friendship™  
**theogaysia:** truer friends help burn the body  
**adotburr:** Truest friends help burn someone else’s body  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** wait what the fuck  
**adotFIGHTME:** what are the implications of that,  
**theogaysia:** AARON THEY WERENT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THE MURDERS  
**adotburr:** Shit sorry Theo  
**lizardschuyler:** MURDERERS  
**angelschuyler:** i’m afraid we’re going to have to report you to the PLOLOICE  
**theogaysia:** NO NOT THE PLOLOICE  
**adotFIGHTME:** wait who did you kill it might be someone we hate  
**adotburr:** the leader of team valor  
**turtle:** oh. oh ok thats fine  
**adotFIGHTME:** fuck you  
**lizardschuyler:** team valor sucks go away alexander  
**adotFIGHTME:** i cant believe we’re friends  
**idontfuckhorses:** INSTINCT IS THE ONLY GOOD TEAM  
**gayria:** shut the fuck up hercules mystic is the best team  
**turtle:** ^  
**lizardschuyler:** ^^  
**angelschuyler:** im not agreeing with alex or anything but  
**angelschuyler:** im team valor  
**margaritaschuyler:** you all are gross instinct is the best  
**adotburr:** Just asked Thomas, he’s Team Valor  
**adotFIGHTME:** fuck  
**angelschuyler:** im ready for death  
**lizardschuyler:** and the moral of the story is  
**lizardschuyler:** TEAM VALOR FUCKING SUCKS  
**margaritaschuyler:** OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
**gaydrienne:** ROASTED  
**adotburr:** SAVAGE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you were wondering im team mystic


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh boy oh boy oh boy oh b

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mostly a lams-centric chapter, but theres also some shit about pets (please dont be offended by alexander's rant about cats im a cat person)

_10:23:46 AM_  
**adotFIGHTME:** so theres like  
**adotFIGHTME:** no work to do  
**adotFIGHTME:** who wants to come to my office and play hungry hungry hippos  
**turtle:** I’LL COME  
**G-Wash:** you literally have a stack of papers next to you John  
**turtle:** nvm  
**G-Wash:** Alexander  
**G-Wash:** Did you finish all of your work for today _and_ tomorrow  
**adotFIGHTME:** yes sir  
**G-Wash:** goddammilton, hamilton  
**angelschuyler:** ALEXANDER THERE’S BEEN SOME ASSHOLE WHO WORKS AT THE SCHUYLER STARBUCKS WHO WANTS TO LECTURE YOU ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION HIS NAME IS SAMUEL SEABURY  
**adotFIGHTME:** oh SHIT  
**adotFIGHTME:** SEND ME HIS NUMBER

 _10:26:13 AM, adotFIGHTME - > SSeabury_  
**SSeabury:** Alexander  
**adotFIGHTME:** good morning, ‘samuel seabury’

 _10:30:07 AM_  
**adotFIGHTME:** angelica is seabury looking at your phone  
**angelschuyler:** no  
**adotFIGHTME:** does anyone have a link to that one vine  
**adotFIGHTME:** with the dress/jumpsuit  
**angelschuyler:** https://vine.co/v/i61eOwPtTDg  
**adotFIGHTME:** THANKS

 _10:33:26 AM, adotFIGHTME - > SSeabury_  
**adotFIGHTME:** http://tinyurl.com/zocvkzz  
**SSeabury:** What is that  
**adotFIGHTME:** one of my favorite articles  
**adotFIGHTME:** it explains a lot about the concept of bisexuality  
**adotFIGHTME:** you should read it  
**SSeabury:** Okay  
**SSeabury:** WHAT THE FUCK  
**adotFIGHTME:** LMAO PSYCHE  
**adotFIGHTME:** seriously though fuck off my dog can debate better than you  
**SSeabury blocked adotFIGHTME.**

 _10:34:31 AM_  
**adotFIGHTME:** so yeah i won that argument  
**adotFIGHTME:** first i shut him down and then i linked him to ‘an article that explains a lot about the concept of bisexuality’  
**adotFIGHTME sent two images.**  
**angelschuyler:** he just left  
**angelschuyler:** like he literally just walked away into the break room muttering something  
**adotFIGHTME:** roasted  
**adotFIGHTME:** have any more coworkers for me to FITE angelica  
**angelschuyler:** no go fight the police  
**adotFIGHTME:** ok  
**turtle:** don’t get arrested  
**G-Wash:** Laurens  
**turtle:** im just making sure he doesnt get arrested  
**G-Wash:** Hes going to get arrested anyways get back to work  
**turtle:** ok thats fair  
**adotFIGHTME:** you have so little faith in me sir  
**G-Wash:** Of course I do you’re Alexander Hamilton  
**adotFIGHTME:** you come into my house,,,  
**lizardschuyler:** i don’t have any faith in you either alex  
**angelschuyler:** lmao roasted  
**adotFIGHTME:** im being attacked

 _5:00:48 PM_  
**adotFIGHTME:** i mean dogs are better in so many ways theyre loyal companions for life and what do cats do  
**adotFIGHTME:** knock over all your shit???? sleep LITERALLY ALL DAY?????  
**turtle:** have you been talking about dogs and cats for seven hours  
**adotFIGHTME:** yes  
**lizardschuyler:** fuck you cats are amazing  
**adotburr:** Is this the real reason you broke up  
**adotFIGHTME:** FUCK OFF BURR  
**turtle:** everyone go home turtles are the only good pet  
**theogaysia:** shut the fuck up john  
**gaydrienne:** SNAKES  
**idontfuckhorses:** snakes are absolutely terrifying go away  
**gaydrienne:** HAVE YOU EVER EVEN SEEN A SNAKE  
**idontfuckhorses:** I DONT WANT TO  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** how are you afraid of snakes you fuck horses  
**idontfuckhorses:** GODDAMMIT  
**gayria:** no im interested answer the question herc  
**margaritaschuyler:** what even is this  
**adotFIGHTME:** has anyone here even ever met a dog  
**angelschuyler:** HAVE YOU EVER SMELLED A DOG  
**lizardschuyler:** HAVE YOU EVER MET A CAT  
**adotFIGHTME:** ONE TIME A CAT SCRATCHED ME IN THE FACE FUCK OFF ELIZA  
**turtle:** oh my god really are you ok  
**adotFIGHTME:** is anyone ok  
**adotFIGHTME:** (no. the answer is no)  
**adotburr:** Relatable feelings from Alexander Hamilton  
**margaritaschuyler:** ^accurate description of this entire gc  
**G-Wash:** Wait Adrienne has a snake?  
**gaydrienne:** hell yeah

 _5:12:06 PM, adotFIGHTME - > lizardschuyler_  
**adotFIGHTME:** eliza can i talk to you  
**lizardschuyler:** are you here to confess your feelings for john  
**adotFIGHTME:** ...  
**adotFIGHTME:** yes  
**lizardschuyler:** oh shit what do you need  
**adotFIGHTME:** can you stop joking about us  
**lizardschuyler:** sure  
**lizardschuyler:** all you had to do was ask  
**lizardschuyler:** i’ll talk to maria too  
**lizardschuyler:** also  
**lizardschuyler:** you should ask him out you fuck  
**adotFIGHTME:** what. i cant do that  
**adotFIGHTME:** what is this???? concept you are s[eaking of??????  
**lizardschuyler:** YOU ASKED ME OUT THREE WEEKS AFTER WE MET  
**adotFIGHTME:** but,,,, john,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
**lizardschuyler:** you are the most eloquent person in our group please elaborate  
**adotFIGHTME:** think about  
**adotFIGHTME:** shit uh who do you like  
**adotFIGHTME:** MARIA  
**adotFIGHTME:** THINK ABOUT MARIA  
**lizardschuyler:** first of all fuck you  
**lizardschuyler:** second of all yeah i get it  
**lizardschuyler:** come to my apartment we can go to starbucks and give seabury and lee ridiculously hard orders to memorize  
**adotFIGHTME:** COMING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit is starting to get serious. i might stop using the texting format for the whole of this fanfic next chapter


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hamilton talks about his Feelings(tm)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've never set foot in a starbucks in my life but i would go into one just to terrorize charles lee

Alex strolled into the Starbucks alongside Eliza with a shit-eating grin. “So what are the most complicated orders?” he asked her quietly. She laughed.  
“Leave it to me.”  
She walked up to Lee, took a deep breath, and spewed out the most confusing order Alex had ever heard. “For my friend Alexander.” She smiled disarmingly and gestured towards Alex, who walked to the counter and stood next to Eliza.  
“Long time no see, Alexander ‘can’t take a debate seriously’ Hamilton,” Lee said with a sneer.  
“Right back at you, Charles ‘eat my ass’ Lee,” Alex shot back.  
“Oh, you know each other?” Eliza asked innocently.  
“Ahem. Coffee?” Alex reminded Lee.  
“Right,” he responded through gritted teeth.  
The two walked out feeling pretty good about themselves.  
“So talk to me, Alex. What’s with you and John?”  
“I mean, we’re... you know.” He took a sip of his coffee. “You know?”  
“What?”  
“Maria. Think of Maria.”  
“You can’t just say that whenever I ask you about John,” she said with a laugh.  
His phone buzzed.

 _5:29:32 PM, turtle - > adotFIGHTME_  
**turtle:** where are you  
**adotFIGHTME:** coming home w/ liza  
**adotFIGHTME:** we went to starbucks  
**turtle:** on a date?  
**adotFIGHTME:** the opposite actually  
**adotFIGHTME:** theres a guy i like  
**adotFIGHTME:** she was giving me some advice  
**turtle:** do i know them  
**adotFIGHTME:** you could say that  
**adotFIGHTME:** bbl i need to look where im walking i almost ran into a pole  
**turtle:** rip alexander hamilton  
**turtle:** see you soon

Eliza looked over at his phone. “He likes you.”  
“What?”  
“I mean, I know him. Normally he would’ve just responded with ‘cool’ if you told him you were coming home with me. Also, he seemed _very_ eager to know about this mystery guy of yours.” She nudged him with her elbow.  
“Don’t say it like that, it sounds weird. Okay, I’ve had my turn, what about you and Maria?” He looked to her expectantly.  
“You haven’t actually _said_ anything,” Eliza said. “You just sent some texts to John and I commented on them.”  
He sighed loudly. “Well, it’s kind of hard for me to talk about serious things, if that makes sense. We’re always so sarcastic and joking in the group chat, it just feels hard to be serious with you and everyone else.”  
“Now that is _not_ a healthy habit,” Eliza remarked. “How about this? I’ll say one thing about Maria, you say one thing about John. Would that make you feel better?”  
He shrugged. “Sure.”  
“You know what, just text me later. You probably don’t want to talk about it right now. That’s fine. Do you want me to give you some Oreo’s ice cream? Peggy went out and, well, you know how they’re a big impulse buyer? They bought two tubs and I don’t think the three of us can finish them.”  
He laughed. “Yikes. Yeah, I’ll take some. John will probably want more. He is, to put it lightly, fucking _obsessed_ with ice cream. When we first moved in together, I bought some ice cream, woke up the next day, all of it was gone and John had a stomachache.”  
“Once, Maria and I were playing Mario Kart. I blue shelled her, and at the end of the race, she _hurled_ her Wii remote across the room and screamed into a pillow.”  
She stopped in front of the door to the apartment and opened it. “Come in.”  
“This place is a fucking mess,” Alex said, looking around.  
“Said the hypocritical hypocrite, in a hypocritical manner.” She walked over to the fridge and opened it.  
“Oh, shut up.” He took the tub of ice cream she handed him. “Alright, thanks for... everything, Betsey. See you around.” He pushed open the door and walked back to his apartment.  
John was laying down on the couch, watching the news. “Hey,” he said, smiling. “How was your date?”  
He rolled his eyes with a grin. “Wasn’t a date. She was giving me life counseling.”  
“Of course.” He sat up. “So how was it?”  
“It went well.”  
His phone buzzed.

 _5:42:18 PM, lizardschuyler - > adotFIGHTME_  
**lizardschuyler:** ASK HIM OUT  
**adotFIGHTME:** what  
**lizardschuyler:** ASK!!! HIM!!!!!! OUT!!!!!!!!!  
**adotFIGHTME:** maybe later

 _5:42:57 PM_  
**margaritaschuyler:** what if i just,,,, become a florist  
**margaritaschuyler:** so when my enemies get married i can send them flower arrangements that secretly mean ‘fuck you’  
**gaydrienne:** DO IT  
**angelschuyler:** if you get fired you can do it  
**angelschuyler:** ...DONT ACTUALLY GET FIRED  
**margaritaschuyler:** ok mom  
**angelschuyler added catherineschuyler to the chat.**  
**angelschuyler:** peggy wants to quit their job so they can send insulting flower arrangements to their enemies  
**catherineschuyler:** Follow your dreams, my child  
**angelschuyler:** MOM  
**angelschuyler added PhilipSchuyler to the chat.**  
**angelschuyler:** PEGGY WANTS TO QUIT THEIR JOB SO THEY CAN SEND INSULTING FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS TO THEIR ENEMIES  
**PhilipSchuyler:** No  
**angelschuyler removed catherineschuyler and PhilipSchuyler from the chat.**  
**angelschuyler:** glad thats settled  
**turtle:** what the fuck just happened  
**adotFIGHTME:** i dont know but i support peggy and all of their life choices  
**margaritaschuyler:** aww hammy :) thats so nice of you sweaty :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peggy is secretly thebootydiaries on tumblr


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hamilton talks about his Feelings(tm): the sequel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> martha manning has arrived on the scene

_8:48:16 AM, adotFIGHTME - > lizardschuyler_  
**adotFIGHTME:** can i come to your apartment again after your shift  
**lizardschuyler:** sure  
**adotFIGHTME:** thx  
**lizardschuyler:** welc

 _5:10:12 PM_  
**angelschuyler:** i met a Lesbian™ at starbucks  
**gaydrienne:** did you now (eye emoji)  
**angelschuyler:** her name is martha manning and i got Digits  
**angelschuyler:** her parents are gross though so she’s not out but shes cool i should add her to the chat  
**lizardschuyler:** add her  
**adotFIGHTME:** ADD HER  
**angelschuyler added marth to the chat.**  
**marth:** what  
**adotburr:** You’ve been inducted into the gay club  
**adotburr:** Welcome to hell  
**adotburr:** My name is Aaron Burr and I’m bisexual as fuck  
**adotFIGHTME:** alexander hamilton pleasure to meet you  
**turtle:** i don’t know what’s happening but i’m john laurens  
**idontfuckhorses:** hercules mulligan, i don’t fuck horses  
**gayria:** shut the fuck up you would fuck a horse for one(1) cent  
**gayria:** maria lewis  
**gaydrienne:** adrienne de noailles  
**marth:** are you french  
**gaydrienne:** yes but not as french as the other guy  
**marth:** who  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** BONSOIR  
**marth:** FUCK  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH-BREAD:** my name is marie-joseph paul yves roch gilbert du motier, marquis de la fayette  
**marth:** what the everloving fuck,  
**theogaysia:** THEODOSIA BARTOW NICE TO MEET YOU  
**lizardschuyler:** now that that’s over bbl  
**adotFIGHTME:** bbl

“How exactly did you find out she was gay?” Alex asked.  
“Well, Peggy noticed her wearing an ace ring on her middle finger so they flipped her off to show her their ace ring. She flipped them off right back. Then they started talking, Lee passed by and said ‘Gay,’ and Martha responded by saying ‘Yeah, I am, thanks for noticing.’”  
“Deep.”  
“I know. So, why are you here?”  
“Well, I think I’m going to talk to him today.”  
“You live in the same apartment. Of course you’re going to talk to him.”  
“Shut the fuck up, you know what I mean.”  
She laughed. “Yeah. Do you need moral support or advice?”  
“Uh... both?” He shrugged.  
“Okay. I’m here for you, and also don’t you fucking dare rehearse what you’re going to say.”  
“Thanks.”

 _5:11:49 PM, turtle - > adotFIGHTME_  
**turtle:** so hows it going with your guy  
**adotFIGHTME:** i mean we havent fucked yet if thats what you want to know  
**turtle:** JESUS CHRIST ALEX  
**adotFIGHTME:** sex jokes aside i think im going to talk to him once i get home  
**turtle:** do you mean talk or Talk  
**adotFIGHTME:** i mean Talk  
**turtle:** dont fuck up  
**adotFIGHTME:** no promises  
**turtle:** that’s fair enough

He put his phone on the nightstand next to Eliza’s bed. “So how are you and Maria?”  
“We’re... friends.”  
“I’m aware. I talk to you two every day.”  
“The same as always, I guess.”  
She paused. “You should go home before you change your mind about John.”  
“Alright. Thanks.”

 _5:12:18 PM, adotFIGHTME - > turtle_  
**adotFIGHTME:** im coming home  
**turtle:** okay see you

He went home as quickly as his short legs could carry him. ( _Goddamn short legs,_ he thought. _Go faster!_ His intrusive thoughts, of course, started whispering ‘gotta go fast,’ so he decided to stop thinking.)  
As soon as he walked through the door, he closed it and walked up to John. “I need to talk to you.”

 _5:30:56 PM_  
**adotFIGHTME:** SO GUYS  
**turtle:** WE’RE DATING??? I THINK???  
**adotFIGHTME:** we’ve established a state of mutual affection and neither of us are really sure whats happening but im ok with it  
**M-Wash:** About freaking time  
**margaritaschuyler:** hey now martha. watch your fucking language  
**angelschuyler:** TOOK YOU FOUR YEARS TO GET TOGETHER  
**adotFIGHTME:** we are being harassed  
**lizardschuyler:** i support you and that is all that matters  
**turtle:** thanks betsey  
**lizardschuyler:** welc  
**G-Wash:** I’m not letting you skip work to go on dates  
**adotFIGHTME:** dont kill the mood sir  
**G-Wash:** The mood isn’t alive I can do whatever i want to it

 

 _5:32:15 PM, adotFIGHTME - > turtle_  
**adotFIGHTME:** so  
**adotFIGHTME:** what are we, exactly  
**turtle:** gay  
**adotFIGHTME:** brb changing relationship status to gay  
**adotFIGHTME:** really though  
**adotFIGHTME:** whats going to happen  
**adotFIGHTME:** youre not out to your dad yet  
**turtle:** i know  
**adotFIGHTME:** we’re both kind of reliant on his money  
**turtle:** i know  
**adotFIGHTME:** i’m still poor and most of the money you get is from your dad  
**turtle:** i know  
**adotFIGHTME:** eliza and maria like each other  
**turtle:** what  
**adotFIGHTME:** what if they start dating  
**adotFIGHTME:** we can just  
**adotFIGHTME:** go on double dates all the time  
**adotFIGHTME:** i can pretend to get back with eliza, you can fake date maria  
**turtle:** yknow it was always kind of tiring watching them pine after each other  
**adotFIGHTME:** project elria is a go  
**turtle:** did you literally just make up a ship name go the fuck away alexander  
**adotFIGHTME:** im being attacked by my own boyfriend  
**turtle:** you went from calling me ‘john’ to ‘turtlefucker’ to ‘boyfriend’  
**adotFIGHTME:** my mind moves quickly  
**turtle:** does your body go at the same pace ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**adotFIGHTME:** want to find out ;)  
**turtle:** no not really  
**adotFIGHTME:** thats fine and i love you anyways  
**turtle:** thanks  
**adotFIGHTME:** you should talk to maria about eliza  
**adotFIGHTME:** ive already been talking to eliza about maria  
**turtle:** ok

 _5:37:02 PM, adotFIGHTME - > lizardschuyler_  
**adotFIGHTME:** okay, i’ve had my turn  
**adotFIGHTME:** what about you and maria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is honestly So Bad and ooc


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> frostbite's ability to write the characters deteriorates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i, someone who has literally never been in a relationship, am writing relationship drama

_5:37:34 PM, adotFIGHTME - > lizardschuyler_  
**lizardschuyler:** what  
**adotFIGHTME:** i said what about you and maria  
**adotFIGHTME:** you should talk to her  
**lizardschuyler:** what is there to talk about  
**lizardschuyler:** she doesn’t think of me that way  
**adotFIGHTME:** oh fuck OFF

 _5:38:57 PM_  
**margaritaschuyler:** john would be a turtle, adri would be a snake, theo would be a cat, herc would be...................................................  
**idontfuckhorses:** NO  
**margaritaschuyler:** a horse  
**idontfuckhorses:** fuck you  
**adotburr:** Alexander would be a dog  
**adotFIGHTME:** because im brave and loyal??????????  
**adotburr:** No because you get angry at ridiculous things and never shut up  
**turtle:** as Alexander’s Boyfriend(™) i have to say, burr  
**turtle:** COMPLETELY TRUE TBH  
**adotburr:** I knew I could count on you Laurens  
**adotFIGHTME:** betrayed by my own boyfriend,  
**turtle:** all i am doing is speaking the truth alexander  
**marth:** this isnt the gay club this is just the drag alexander hamilton club  
**adotburr:** Same difference

 _5:39:18 PM, adotFIGHTME - > lizardschuyler_  
**adotFIGHTME:** do you think im dating john because he doesnt like me  
**lizardschuyler:** you actually had a chance  
**lizardschuyler:** you’re alexander hamilton  
**adotFIGHTME:** what the hell does that mean  
**lizardschuyler:** you’re a new york legend, you got yourself out of nevis by the sheer force of your will and your brains alone  
**lizardschuyler:** i’m a rich senator’s daughter i’ve been given everything  
**adotFIGHTME:** john is a rich senator’s son and what he’s been given amounts to near nothing  
**lizardschuyler:** i came out to my family when i was 14 and they accepted me completely  
**lizardschuyler:** john is 23 and still not out from fear of his dad disowning him and leaving him poor  
**lizardschuyler:** his mom is dead for christ’s sake

 _5:43:36 PM, adotFIGHTME - > turtle_  
**adotFIGHTME:** DO YOU AND ELIZA HAVE SOMETHING YOU JUST MAYBE NEED TO TALK ABOUT  
**turtle:** what  
**adotFIGHTME sent two images.**  
**turtle:** oh Fuck

 _5:44:07 PM, turtle - > lizardschuyler_  
**turtle:** do you really believe you have everything  
**lizardschuyler:** i believe i have an easy life

 _5:44:07 PM, turtle - > gayria_  
**gayria:** shes amazing john  
**gayria:** i would do anything for her  
**turtle:** i know  
**turtle:** thats how i feel about alexander

 _5:45:21 PM, turtle - > lizardschuyler_  
**turtle:** maybe you should try not to compare yourself to others  
**lizardschuyler:** me??? compare myself to others??????? when would i EVER  
**lizardschuyler:** i’ll stop when i stop deserving it  
**turtle:** with all due respect  
**turtle:** that is fucking bullshit  
**lizardschuyler:** can you stop bothering me about this

 _5:46:58 PM, turtle - > adotFIGHTME_  
**turtle:** on a scale of one to ten that conversation ended on a ‘yikes’  
**turtle sent two images.**  
**adotFIGHTME:** yikes  
**turtle:** ^literally what i just said  
**turtle:** ok no offense but can we Maybe Chill  
**adotFIGHTME:** did you just quote history of japan  
**turtle:** i mean  
**turtle:** yeah  
**turtle:** im being serious can’t we just leave them alone  
**adotFIGHTME:** im taking a nap  
**turtle:** don’t dream about being a founding father again  
**adotFIGHTME:** ONE TIME, JOHN  
**adotFIGHTME:** AND BESIDES I ONLY TALKED ABOUT IT FOR LIKE AN HOUR  
**adotFIGHTME:** DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH RESTRAINT THAT TOOK  
**adotFIGHTME:** it was a good dream  
**turtle:** oh my god  
**adotFIGHTME:** i invented the NATIONAL BANK JOHN  
**adotFIGHTME:** THE NATIONAL BANK  
**adotFIGHTME:** also i was the first treasury secretary  
**adotFIGHTME:** washington was the president  
**adotFIGHTME:** also, you know john adams? he used to work with the schuyler starbucks manager  
**adotFIGHTME:** i totally fucking roasted him  
**turtle:** shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you’re taking a nap alexander  
**adotFIGHTME:** oh yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone is ooc help  
> also, i've sorted out a plot for the rest of this fic (sally hemings, dolley madison, and jemmy are COMING UP)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @everyone who thought this fic was good i apologize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bo burnham is a Good Comedian but im concerned for him is he happy (he makes a lot of crude jokes if you're going to look him up so be wary of that)

_3:21:53 AM, turtle - > adotFIGHTME_  
**turtle:** STOP LISTENING TO BO BURNHAM SONGS  
**adotFIGHTME:** I’M CONCERNED FOR THIS MAN IS HE HAPPY SHOULD WE BE WORRIED ABOUT HIS MENTAL HEALTH  
**turtle:** HE’S A COMEDIAN  
**adotFIGHTME:** COME TO MY ROOM HAVE YOU EVEN WATCHED MAKE HAPPY

 _3:32:14 AM_  
**turtle:** IS ANYONE ELSE CONCERNED FOR BO BURNHAM  
**idontfuckhorses:** what the fuck go to sleep is this going to keep happening now that youre dating alex  
**marth:** acutalyly i am  
**marth:** ignore the typo is ts 3 in the monring  
**marth:** is he ok? what did the jews do to hi,  
**marth:** what is his relationship with his dad  
**marth:** were the pringles/chipotle verses metaphors for his life as a comedian  
**idontfuckhorses:** EVERYONE GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP YOURE GOING TO GET YOUR ASSES FIRED  
**turtle:** um bye

 _5:04:13 PM, gayria - > adotFIGHTME_  
**gayria:** are you the one who made john make me talk to him about eliza  
**adotFIGHTME:** no this is patrick  
**gayria:** yes hello id like a krusty krab pizza  
**adotFIGHTME:** coming right up  
**adotFIGHTME:** what do you need  
**adotFIGHTME:** for real  
**gayria:** i might talk to her  
**gayria:** and by talk to her i mean incessantly flirt and see if she takes a hint  
**adotFIGHTME:** maria lewis style, i see  
**gayria:** damn right  
**adotFIGHTME:** good luck  
**gayria:** thanks

 _5:06:23 PM, gayria - > lizardschuyler_  
**gayria:** hey there Friend  
**lizardschuyler:** hey Buddy  
**gayria:** how you doin Pal  
**lizardschuyler:** im great Comrade

 _5:07:12 PM, lizardschuyler - > adotFIGHTME_  
**lizardschuyler:** am i being friendzoned  
**adotFIGHTME:** nah

 _5:07:39 PM, gayria - > lizardschuyler_  
**gayria:** ...i cant think of any more synonyms for friend  
**lizardschuyler:** yeah same  
**gayria:** guess we’ll have to settle for girlfriend ;)

 _5:08:07 PM, gayria - > adotFIGHTME_  
**gayria:** FLIRT ONE DEPLOYED  
**adotFIGHTME:** this is kind of really amusing because you’re both texting me at the same time but i have no idea whats actually happening

 _5:08:56 PM, lizardschuyler - > adotFIGHTME_  
**lizardschuyler:** FUCK  
**adotFIGHTME:** flirt back this is what the gays were made for

 _5:09:18 PM, gayria - > lizardschuyler_  
**lizardschuyler:** yknow i think i can handle that

 _5:10:02 PM, gayria - > adotFIGHTME_  
**gayria:** SHE’S FLIRTING BACK  
**adotFIGHTME:** lol gay  
**gayria:** bro fuck off that’s my line  
**adotFIGHTME:** my bad

 _5:10:45 PM, gayria - > lizardschuyler_  
**gayria:** well then Girlfriend how about we go on a,,,  
**gayria:** how do you say it,  
**gayria:** Date  
**lizardschuyler:** gee Girlfriend that sure sounds wonderful  
**lizardschuyler:** where should we have this Date  
**gayria:** the science museum  
**lizardschuyler:** hell yeah  
**gayria:** ...so i just stopped to think for a second what happened and are we dating now  
**lizardschuyler:** i mean if you want to then yes we’re dating  
**gayria:** hey thats two successfully created relationships in two days  
**gayria:** not bad if i do say so myself  
**lizardschuyler:** we should set up a double date with john and alex  
**gayria:** that’s like half of the reason that they tried to get us together  
**gayria:** in john’s own words, ‘1) i can’t stand watching you gay children not be together any longer and 2) alex wants to go on double dates to avoid homophobic assholes’  
**lizardschuyler:** alright cool i’ll talk to them

 _5:12:16 PM, lizardschuyler - > adotFIGHTME_  
**lizardschuyler:** guess who’s gay as fuck  
**adotFIGHTME:** my boyfriend  
**lizardschuyler:** this is true but also maria  
**lizardschuyler:** do you want to go on a double date some time  
**adotFIGHTME:** yeah sure where  
**lizardschuyler:** maria jokingly said the science museum but that also sounds like a nice place to go

 _5:12:16 PM_  
**gayria:** guess who also just started dating  
**theogaysia:** fucking finally  
**gaydrienne:** CAN WE TELL SALLY WHEN SHE COMES BY TOMORROW  
**gayria:** FUCK YEAH  
**margaritaschuyler:** we should go to the club to celebrate  
**idontfuckhorses:** you just want an excuse to drink,  
**margaritaschuyler:** #exposed  
**margaritaschuyler:** yeah i do can we go  
**idontfuckhorses:** i say sure  
**turtle:** yeaH  
**adotFIGHTME:** sure why not  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH-BREAD:** when are we leaving  
**G-Wash:** Are me and Martha going to have to drive you all so you don’t have to pay for an Uber  
**adotburr:** Of course  
**lizardschuyler:** @john/alex/maria does this count as a double date  
**turtle:** we can pretend it is  
**marth:** y’all are so gay  
**theogaysia:** when are we leaving  
**margaritaschuyler:** lmao were already standing at the door  
**angelschuyler:** ^  
**lizardschuyler:** peg looks fresh as fuck  
**lizardschuyler:** i look fresh as fuck, but that’s because i always look fresh as fuck  
**gayria:** this is true  
**adotFIGHTME:** lol gay  
**gayria:** bruh  
**adotFIGHTME:** if you can’t say it who will  
**gayria:** i guess,  
**angelschuyler:** are we leaving  
**lizardschuyler:** everyone shut the fuck up we’re going to the club LET’S GO  
**gaydrienne:** LETS GO  
**theogaysia:** LETS GO  
**adotburr:** LET’S GO  
**turtle:** LETS GO  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** LETS GO  
**gayria:** LETS GO  
**adotFIGHTME:** LETS GO  
**margaritaschuyler:** LETS GO  
**angelschuyler:** LETS GO  
**idontfuckhorses:** LETS GO  
**marth:** LETS GO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im bad at writing things with a plot i apologize,


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the hangover chapter, also more burr/theo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE

_6:39:56 AM, margaritaschuyler - > The Schuyler Siblings GC_  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i have s uchg a bad han gover jfcg  
 **angelschuyler:** NO SHIT DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU DRANK LAST NIGHT,  
 **margaritaschuyler:** n o,  
 **lizardschuyler:** aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
 **margaritaschuyler:** bruh same  
 **lizardschuyler:** wheres that meme that s like  
 **lizardschuyler:** if 70%p ercent of you is h2o then the other 30 percetn is wants2die  
 **lizardschuyler:** bc thats me rn  
 **lizardschuyler:** fuck did i just type 70%p ercent  
 **margaritaschuyler renamed the chat to 70%p ercent.**  
 **angelschuyler:** you two are a mess  
 **angelschuyler:** @peg dont be mean to any customers at starbuvks!!  
 **margaritaschuyler:** k  
 **angelschuyler:** brb gotta go throw up  
 **lizardschuyler:** i’ll hold your hair back  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i’ll get our stuff for work  
 **lizardschuyler:** thanks peg you’re our favorite sibling  
 **margaritaschuyler:** thansk hon

 _4:48:16 PM_  
 **adotFIGHTME:** my head hurts  
 **G-Wash:** Everyone go home if you have a hangover  
 **G-Wash:** you’re not even doing any work  
 **adotFIGHTME:** THANK YOU SIR I’LL WORK HARDER TOMORROW  
 **adotFIGHTME:** IM GOING TO SLEEP FOR FIVE YEARS

 _5:31:42 PM, adotburr - > theogaysia_  
 **adotburr:** Hey  
 **theogaysia:** hey  
 **adotburr:** Are you free tonight  
 **theogaysia:** depends  
 **theogaysia:** where do you want to go  
 **adotburr:** You can choose  
 **theogaysia:** asian buffet it is  
 **theogaysia:** what time  
 **adotburr:** Will you be ready at six  
 **theogaysia:** six thirty  
 **adotburr:** Okay  
 **adotburr:** Love you  
 **theogaysia:** i love me too  
 **theogaysia:** <3

 _5:33:19 PM, adotburr - > adotFIGHTME_  
 **adotburr:** HAMILTON  
 **adotFIGHTME:** yes   
burr  
 **adotburr:** I’M PROPOSING TO THEO TODAY  
 **adotFIGHTME:** send me a picture of the ring  
 **adotburr sent three pictures.**  
 **adotFIGHTME:** holy shit???? you said you were a poor man  
 **adotburr:** I also told you that Thomas Jefferson was paying most of the rent  
 **adotburr:** Also, did you know that 8 year old me never bought anything, ever, not once in his small young life  
 **adotFIGHTME:** jfc  
 **adotFIGHTME:** can i tell everyone else  
 **adotburr:** Sure

 _5:34:59 PM, adotFIGHTME - > the revolutionary set_  
 **adotFIGHTME:** burr is getting engaged tonight  
 **turtle:** what does the ring look like  
 **americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH-BREAD:** john out here asking the real questions  
 **adotFIGHTME sent three pictures.**  
 **idontfuckhorses:** oh my god ,, ,. ,,,  
 **turtle:** hol y Fuck  
 **turtle:** can i tell eliza  
 **adotFIGHTME:** Yell Heah  
 **idontfuckhorses:** how the FUCK did he afford that  
 **adotFIGHTME:** he was Really Vague in his answer  
 **adotFIGHTME sent one picture.**

 _5:35:02 PM, turtle - > lizardschuyler_  
 **turtle:** burr is proposing to theodosia tonight  
 **lizardschuyler:** oh shit!!!

 _5:35:54 PM, lizardschuyler - > 70%p ercent_  
 **lizardschuyler:** john just told me  
 **lizardschuyler:** that aaron is proposing to theo tonight!!!!!!!  
 **angelschuyler:** about goddamn time  
 **margaritaschuyler:** you go burr  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i assume the rest of the revolutionary set also knows, so marth and the gay squad don’t know  
 **lizardschuyler:** yeah i’m going to tell maria and then she’ll tell adri and adri will tell martha probably  
 **margaritaschuyler:** my sister has future vision

 _5:36:12 PM, lizardschuyler - > gayria_  
 **lizardschuyler:** aaron is proposing to theo tonight  
 **gayria:** oh SHIT  
 **lizardschuyler:** quick tell adri  
 **gayria:** I WILL

 _5:36:37 PM, gayria - > gaydrienne_  
 **gayria:** BURR IS PROPOSING TO THEO TODAY  
 **gaydrienne:** my little baby theo,, all grown up,,,,,,,,,,,,

 _5:37:20 PM, gaydrienne - > marth_  
 **gaydrienne:** Did You Know That:  
 **gaydrienne:** burr is going to propose to theodosia tonight  
 **marth:** how long have they been dating???  
 **gaydrienne:** like four years their next anniversary is in october  
 **gaydrienne:** did you know that he asked her out  
 **gaydrienne:** on halloween  
 **marth:** what a romantic guy  
 **gaydrienne:** true tbh

 _7:41:07 PM_  
 **theogaysia:** GUYS  
 **gayria:** DID YOU SAY YES  
 **gaydrienne:** YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED  
 **theogaysia:** FUCK YEAH  
 **adotFIGHTME:** MADISON IS TEXTING ME HE WANTS TO GET IN THE CHAT DO I LET HIM IN  
 **idontfuckhorses:** as long as jefferson isn’t added too  
 **adotFIGHTME added jmads to the chat.**  
 **jmads:** theodosia i’m afraid you may need to come over here your fiancé is on the couch and he won’t stop screaming  
 **jmads:** thomas is trying to make macaroni and cheese it’s rather disruptive  
 **theogaysia:** jfc im coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally i was gonna have peggy be late to work and lose their job bc their boss is an asshat but when i got to this chapter i suddenly realized angelica and eliza would just wake them up because they literally live together also im bad at writing angst ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ also theo and burr deserve to get married


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter than usual but Hey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sally hemings is introduced, along with dolley madison and martha jefferson

_5:01:52 PM_  
 **adotburr:** Hey Peggy  
 **margaritaschuyler:** hmm?  
 **adotburr:** Remember how you jokingly said you wanted to get a job at a flower shop  
 **margaritaschuyler:** yeah i wasnt actually completely joking  
 **adotburr:** Do you actually uh  
 **adotburr:** have any knowledge  
 **adotburr:** on flowers  
 **margaritaschuyler:** a bit, yeah  
 **adotburr:** Well as it turns out James has a friend who is  
 **adotburr:** a florist  
 **adotburr:** Her name is Sally Hemings and she’s been looking for employees at her flower shop  
 **gaydrienne:** wait sally is a florist?  
 **adotburr:** Do you know her  
 **gaydrienne:** she passes by the salon on the way to/from work every day  
 **adotburr:** I’ll send you her number, Peggy

_5:06:38 PM, margaritaschuyler - > sallymemeings_  
 **margaritaschuyler:** hi this is margarita schuyler, agender  
 **margaritaschuyler:** call me peggy, i heard you were looking for employees  
 **sallymemeings:** I am, yeah  
 **sallymemeings:** How good are you with plants  
 **sallymemeings:** Also what are your pronouns  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i helped my mom with her garden a lot when i was a kid  
 **margaritaschuyler:** & i studied floriography in high school  
 **margaritaschuyler:** they/them, thanks for asking  
 **sallymemeings:** no problem  
 **sallymemeings:** There are two other employees at the shop right now, Dolley Payne and Martha Wayles  
 **sallymemeings:** We all work full-time but I’m trying to get more workers so we can work in shifts instead  
 **sallymemeings:** Dolley usually takes care of watering and all that, Martha works at the cash register, and I’m the manager  
 **sallymemeings:** We open up at 6:30 in the morning and close 5:30  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i can handle a morning shift  
 **sallymemeings:** Cool, thanks  
 **sallymemeings:** Come in Saturday at 6  
 **sallymemeings:** We’ll sort out when you’ll start working and everything else  
 **sallymemeings:** I’ll send you the address and Dolley and Martha’s numbers

_5:10:07 PM, margaritaschuyler - > whales_  
 **margaritaschuyler:** is this martha wayles?  
 **whales:** yes  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i’m peggy schuyler, going to be working at hemings flower garden soon  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i’m agender, they/them pronouns  
 **whales:** aight cool i’m genderflux  
 **whales:** she/her pronouns  
 **margaritaschuyler:** alright now if youll excuse me i need to talk to dolley too  
 **whales:** k

_5:12:42 PM, margaritaschuyler - > dolleypain_  
 **margaritaschuyler:** hi is this dolley payne  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i’ll be working with you at hemings flower garden soon  
 **margaritaschuyler:** peggy schuyler, pleasure to meet you  
 **dolleypain:** the daughter of senator philip schuyler?  
 **margaritaschuyler:** child, actually, but yes  
 **dolleypain:** oh, are you nonbinary?  
 **margaritaschuyler:** yes  
 **dolleypain:** my bad, sorry for assuming  
 **margaritaschuyler:** it’s fine  
 **margaritaschuyler:** but if you misgender me on purpose, ever, i will tear the flesh off your bones, burn your skeleton, and dump the ashes in the pits of hell  
 **dolleypain:** understandable

_5:16:28 PM_  
 **margaritaschuyler sent one picture.**  
 **margaritaschuyler:** so the people i’m going to be working with have a surprising amount of chill  
 **adotburr:** I REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID THAT TO ME WHEN WE FIRST MET I’M HAVING WAR FLASHBACKS  
 **adotFIGHTME:** s am e ,  
 **americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** we’ve all had the Peggy Moment  
 **turtle:** the Peggy Moment emotionally ruined me tbh  
 **turtle:** and then i was like ‘alright i wont’ and thEY JUST SMILED AND STARTED TALKING ABOUT MEMES  
 **margaritaschuyler:** the Peggy Moment: a novel  
 **angelschuyler:** sorry peggy but being nonbinary isn’t real :/ you’ve been lying to yourself :/ you’re actually a car :/  
 **margaritaschuyler:** vrrrrrrrrrvrvr beep beep  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i’m a fucking car  
 **turtle:** so you got the job?  
 **margaritaschuyler:** more or less yeah  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i’ll be there on saturday after my shift at starbucks to sort out when ill be working and shit  
 **turtle:** alright cool  
 **theogaysia:** wait  
 **theogaysia:** has martha had her Peggy Moment  
 **marth:** yeah when we first met at starbucks

_5:21:19 PM, sallymemeings - > Hemings meme Garden_  
 **sallymemeings added margaritaschuyler to the chat.**  
 **sallymemeings:** Alright, Peggy, this is basically a chat to discuss work/meetings.  
 **sallymemeings:** Also, sometimes Martha sends us out-of-context memes at 4 in the morning.  
 **margaritaschuyler:** alright cool  
 **whales:** i do NOT send you OUT-OF-CONTEXT memes  
 **whales:** i send you a picture of the words blaze it in comic sans at exactly 4:20 am/pm every day  
 **margaritaschuyler:** i tried to do that once but im really forgetful  
 **whales:** r ip  
 **sallymemeings:** Anyways @dolley and martha we’re having a meeting at 6 pm on saturday to discuss when peggy will start working and shifts  
 **dolleypain:** mkay  
 **whales:** (thumbs-up emoji)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> car joke was actually inspired by mx-bones on tumblr http://mx-bones.tumblr.com/post/148332767849/bones-non-binary-people-dont-exist-stop


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ????? idk what this chapter is but i dont like it also james reynolds can fuck right off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is all over the place

_4:20:03 AM, whales - > Hemings meme Garden_  
**whales sent one image.**  
**whales:** blaze it

 _4:20:01 PM, whales - > Hemings meme Garden_  
**whales sent one image.**  
**whales:** blaze it

 _5:00:26 PM, turtle - > adotFIGHTME_  
**turtle:** hey babe  
**adotFIGHTME:** hm?  
**turtle:** i think i’m going to go walk over to the pet store  
**turtle:** stressful work day  
**turtle:** i need to go look at cute dogs  
**adotFIGHTME:** I’M cute :(  
**turtle:** you are not a dog  
**adotFIGHTME:** yeah ok go ahead  
**turtle:** thanks you’re the best  
**adotFIGHTME:** i know

 _5:09:17 PM, turtle - > adotFIGHTME:_  
**turtle:** ALEX  
**turtle:** YOU NEED TO COME TO THE PET STORE IMMEDIATELY  
**adotFIGHTME:** what  
**turtle:** THERE’S A TURTLE HERE  
**adotFIGHTME:** i am not going to fuel your turtle fetish  
**turtle:** that is a false statement  
**turtle sent one image.**  
**adotFIGHTME:** I’M COMING

 _5:18:51 PM_  
**turtle:** so um  
**adotFIGHTME:** guess who has a pet turtle now  
**marth:** did you buY A FUCKING TURTLE  
**turtle:** i, a turtle, am offended by this question please tag your turtle hate  
**lizardschuyler:** whatd you name them???  
**adotFIGHTME:** we havent decided but were leaning towards philip  
**margaritaschuyler:** just texted my dad saying you have a pet turtle named after him, now you have to name him philip  
**angelschuyler:** goddammit peggy  
**adotburr:** Can we all come over later to meet him  
**turtle:** i think itd be better if you came over next week  
**turtle:** he still needs time to adjust to us two  
**adotburr:** Alright  
**turtle:** i’ll let you know when you can come over!!

 _5:20:31 PM, margaritaschuyler - > PhilipSchuyler_  
**margaritaschuyler:** hey dad alexander just got a pet turtle he’s named after you  
**PhilipSchuyler:** Ok

 _6:09:19 PM_  
**gayria:** GUESS WHO JUST FUCKGI NG TEXTED ME  
**marth:** who??  
**gayria:** JAMES  
**gayria:** FUCKING  
**gayria:** REYNOLDS  
**adotFIGHTME:** want me to kick his ass for you  
**lizardschuyler:** give me his number

 _6:09:59 PM, lizardschuyler - > JReynolds_  
**lizardschuyler:** This is one mister James Reynolds, correct?  
**JReynolds:** Yes. Who are you?  
**lizardschuyler:** Elizabeth Schuyler. Call me Ms. Schuyler. I don’t want filth like you saying my first name.  
**JReynolds:** What?  
**lizardschuyler:** I am the daughter of senator Philip Schuyler, and the proud girlfriend of your ex, Maria Lewis.  
**lizardschuyler:** You know, the one you literally abused for two years and literally just texted after a year of no contact whatsoever.

 _6:10:41 PM, lizardschuyler - > gayria_  
**lizardschuyler:** can i tell him you’re gay?  
**gayria:** go ahead  
**lizardschuyler:** <3

 _6:11:02 PM, lizardschuyler - > JReynolds_  
**lizardschuyler:** Actually, she’s a lesbian, and she’s never going to get back with you.  
**lizardschuyler:** Leave her and me alone or so help me I will go to your house myself and whip your ass.  
**lizardschuyler blocked JReynolds.**

 _6:11:10 PM_  
**lizardschuyler:** ...so anyways  
**lizardschuyler:** that should be taken care of  
**gayria:** lol he blocked me  
**lizardschuyler:** good i am literally never letting him near you ever again  
**adotFIGHTME:** i am too tired for this pda  
**adotburr:** You’re just jealous because your boyfriend is going to spend more time with your turtle than he does with you  
**adotFIGHTME:** tbh what the fcuk  
**turtle:** you cant handle the facts alexander  
**turtle:** also my turtle is fucking adorable. he is beautiful i love my son  
**adotFIGHTME:** oUR TURTLE  
**turtle:** like i said my turtle is beautiful and i love him  
**margaritaschuyler:** you are literally getting dragged into the ground??? why are you letting this happen aham  
**adotFIGHTME:** be quiet peggy your name is literally margarita  
**margaritaschuyler:** one time you literally talked about the us constitution for six hours fuck you  
**adotFIGHTME:** shUT  
**turtle:** @burr did you know that alex had a dream where you shot him once  
**adotburr:** I WOULD NeVER  
**adotFIGHTME:** would you or would you not want to shoot me if you were running for president against jefferson and i endorsed jefferson rather than you because i called you a most unfit and dangerous man  
**adotburr:** I’m so offended I kind of want to shoot you right now what the fuck Alexander  
**lizardschuyler:** alex is the actual definition of your fav is problematic  
**angelschuyler:** except not really bc alexander is no one’s fav  
**adotFIGHTME blocked angelschuyler.**  
**angelschuyler:** lmao  
**adotFIGHTME:** anyways  
**gayria:** im going to go take a nap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i forgot to link the engagement ring in the proposal chapter so https://www.etsy.com/au/listing/174163129/leaves-engagement-ring-no4-14k-gold-and?ref=shop_home_active_10 here you go


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> john becomes a god. also, work planning for peggy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing really important happens in this chapter, but peggy's going to be working with sally soon

_4:20:02 AM, whales - > Hemings meme Garden_  
**whales:** WEEDWEEDWEWEDWEWD  
**margaritaschuyler:** go to bed martha  
**whales:** blaze it

 _4:20:01 PM, whales - > Hemings meme Garden_  
**whales:** 420

 _6:00:31 PM, sallymemeings - > Hemings meme Garden_  
**sallymemeings:** Me and Dolley will be running a little late  
**sallymemeings:** If Martha hasn’t told you yet, Peggy, the wifi password is hemingsflowergarden and yes, we are a Pokestop  
**margaritaschuyler:** !!!! sick!!!!  
**margaritaschuyler:** lol someone just came up to me like ‘are you here for the pokestop too’  
**margaritaschuyler:** i was like ‘nah im here for an interview but i play pokemon go too’  
**margaritaschuyler:** oh shit vulpix nearby  
**dolleypain:** you can go look for it we dont mind  
**margaritaschuyler:** thank you

 _6:03:51 PM_  
**margaritaschuyler:** new workplace is a pokestop lmao  
**margaritaschuyler:** brb gotta go look for this vulpix  
**marth:** send me the address later

 _6:07:17 PM, margaritaschuyler - > Hemings meme Garden_  
**margaritaschuyler:** CAUGHT IT  
**margaritaschuyler:** omw back are sally  & dolley there yet  
**dolleypain:** yeah  
**margaritaschuyler:** you havent been waiting long right?  
**whales:** nah they just got here like 2 minutes ago

 _6:31:43 PM, margaritaschuyler - > 70%p ercent_  
**margaritaschuyler:** im coming home  
**angelschuyler:** gimme the details  
**margaritaschuyler:** sally said i could start working next tuesday and my apron will be here by next friday  
**margaritaschuyler:** 6:30 am-12:00 pm is my shift  
**lizardschuyler:** when your coworkers come in for their shift greet them by saying ‘it’s high noon’  
**margaritaschuyler:** i will omg

 _6:36:57 PM_  
**margaritaschuyler sent one image.**  
**marth:** do any of yall play overwatch tho  
**gaydrienne:** fuck yeah  
**idontfuckhorses:** i main mercy  
**gaydrienne:** ana  
**marth:** i main my beautiful daughter lena  
**lizardschuyler:** i dont play but i also love tracer and will protect her until the end of my days  
**marth:** tracer protection squad: martha, eliza  
**gaydrienne:** tracer protection squad: martha, eliza, adri  
**turtle:** tracer protection squad: martha, eliza, adri, john  
**adotFIGHTME:** tracer protection squad: martha, eliza, adri, john, alex  
**theogaysia:** tracer protection squad: martha, eliza, adri, john, alex, theo  
**adotburr:** tracer protection squad: martha, eliza, adri, john, alex, theo, Aaron  
**gayria:** tracer protection squad: martha, eliza, adri, john, alex, theo, Aaron, maria  
**angelschuyler:** tracer can protect herself. let her be strong on her own  
**marth:** tracer protection squad: eliza, adri, john, alex, theo, Aaron, maria  
**adotFIGHTME:** tracer protection squad: eliza, adri, john, theo, Aaron, maria  
**turtle:** tracer protection squad: eliza, adri, theo, Aaron, maria  
**lizardschuyler:** tracer protection squad: adri, theo, Aaron, maria  
**adotburr:** tracer protection squad: adri, theo, maria  
**gaydrienne:** tracer protection squad: theo, maria  
**gayria:** tracer protection squad: theo  
**theogaysia:** tracer protection squad:  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** you leave to take a nap for five seconds??????  
**turtle:** why tf are you taking five second naps  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** dont kinkshame me john  
**gaydrienne:** tbh the only person here who deserves to be kinkshamed is alexander  
**adotFIGHTME:** EXCUSE  
**adotburr:** Someone finally said it  
**adotFIGHTME:** I CAME OUT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND IM HONESTLY FEELING SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW  
**theogaysia:** be quiet hamilton  
**adotFIGHTME:** FUCK OFF THEODOSIA  
**adotburr:** Did you just tell my fiancée to fuck off go away Alexander  
**adotFIGHTME:** ok yeah my bad sorry  
**adotburr:** Thanks  
**lizardschuyler:** Breaking News: Alexander Hamilton shows an amount of chill  
**adotFIGHTME:** fight me betsey  
**lizardschuyler:** meet me in the pit bitch  
**margaritaschuyler:** i’ll bring a camera  
**theogaysia:** rip alex  
**adotburr:** You will (not) be missed  
**gayria:** how does every conversation we have here end with alex fighting someone  
**adotFIGHTME:** it’s my destiny, maria  
**adotFIGHTME:** i was made to fight  
**turtle:** and cook grilled cheese  
**turtle:** ive been waiting for five minutes you asshat  
**adotFIGHTME:** im sorry but i must fight first  
**lizardschuyler:** no no we can wait go feed your boyfriend  
**gayria:** The Boy Must Eat  
**turtle:** you fed lil phil too right  
**adotFIGHTME:** I HAVE TOLD YOU WE ARE NOT CALLING HIM LIL PHIL  
**adotFIGHTME:** yes i fed philip  
**adotburr:** I’m sorry John but Lil Phil is quite possibly the worst nickname I’ve ever heard, ever in my 20+ years of life  
**turtle:** :(((((  
**idontfuckhorses:** wow you have four mouths???  
**gaydrienne:** he has Five,,, you ignorant fool,,,,,,  
**theogaysia:** you must be Slain for your foolishness,  
**americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD:** _bring in the guillotine_  
**turtle:** execute the nonbeliever  
**idontfuckhorses:** i have accepted my fate. i acted with ignorance. it was unacceptable  
**adotburr:** Wow I can’t believe I’m witnessing a murder  
**adotFIGHTME:** you confessed to killing multiple people last week  
**adotburr:** I definitely have no idea what you’re talking about. What murders. I murdered no one  
**adotFIGHTME sent one image.**  
**adotburr:** Why do you have a screenshot of that conversation  
**adotFIGHTME:** sent it to the ploloice  
**theogaysia:** shit  
**adotburr:** Theo I am sorry but we can’t stay here we must run away  
**theogaysia:** i understand my love  
**theogaysia:** let’s go

 _6:57:12 PM, margaritaschuyler - > theogaysia_  
**margaritaschuyler added adotburr to the chat.**  
**margaritaschuyler:** so  
**margaritaschuyler:** how’s wedding planning going ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of chaotic wedding planning next chapter


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hectic wedding planning. the flower squad is officially in the group now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was so fun to write i love color schemes i am oBSESSED WITH THEM

_6:57:25 PM, margaritaschuyler - > adotburr, theogaysia_  
**theogaysia:** we definitely want a small outdoor wedding  
**adotburr:** Do you know how expensive flowers are at Hemings Flower Garden  
**adotburr:** Especially uh  
**adotburr:** Uhhh fuc k what are they called  
**margaritaschuyler:** are you guys okay?  
**margaritaschuyler:** you seem kind of stressed  
**theogaysia:** wE ARE  
**adotburr:** Stressed? I’m not stressed I can hANDLE IT  
**theogaysia:** he’s stressed  
**margaritaschuyler:** we can help any time, you know  
**margaritaschuyler:** even aham  
**margaritaschuyler:** the man has no chill but he definitely has a sense of aesthetic  
**adotburr:** Wait really  
**margaritaschuyler:** somehow, yes  
**adotburr added adotFIGHTME to the chat.**  
**theogaysia added lizardschuyler to the chat.**  
**adotburr:** Why’d you add Eliza  
**theogaysia:** because this is alex we’re dealing with and i only trust eliza to handle him rn  
**adotburr:** That’s actually really true thanks  
**adotFIGHTME:** what is this  
**margaritaschuyler:** we’re helping burr and theo with wedding planning  
**lizardschuyler:** WAIT REALLY BECAUSE I FOUND A BEAUTIFUL DRESS THE OTHER DAY  
**lizardschuyler:** DO YOU LOOK GOOD IN BLUE  
**adotburr:** She looks gorgeous in blue  
**theogaysia:** ^^ ;)  
**lizardschuyler:** https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ml_monique_lhuillier/lilac_bloom_gown  
**lizardschuyler:** it’s not very tight on the hips which i know is your style but you’d look great in it  
**lizardschuyler:** if you want something that fits your type more https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ml_monique_lhuillier/royal_treatment_gown is also great, and would look great with some blue complements  
**margaritaschuyler:** did i fail to mention my sister is a fashion genius?  
**adotFIGHTME added idontfuckhorses to the chat.**  
**adotFIGHTME:** burr needs something to wear for the wedding  
**idontfuckhorses:** oh FUCK yes  
**idontfuckhorses:** come over to me n laf’s apartment some time, we’ll take measurements and i can start designing  
**idontfuckhorses:** also @theo i agree with eliza, that second dress would look A+++ with blue complements  
**idontfuckhorses:** a flower hair clip and a thick bracelet would look perfect  
**theogaysia:** thanks herc  
**idontfuckhorses:** you and theo both look good in blue, burr  
**idontfuckhorses:** would not be opposed to that being part of the main color scheme of the wedding  
**adotFIGHTME:** what? that makes no sense  
**adotburr:** What does that mean, Alexander  
**adotFIGHTME:** you and theo can have matching colors. that’s fine, but if you make everything else blue doesn’t that seem abundant?  
**adotFIGHTME:** i’d suggest green or purple instead. but not both. green and purple is never a good color combination  
**adotFIGHTME:** and, well, purple is better. green is awesome, i love it, everyone knows that, but there are no green flowers  
**margaritaschuyler:** THERE ARE TONS OF GREEN FLOWERS YOU UNCULTURED FUCKING SWINE  
**margaritaschuyler:** that being said, a lot of green flowers are actually a yellow green, so purple and green might work?  
**margaritaschuyler:** here, lemme add the hemings garden crew  
**margaritaschuyler added sallymemeings to the chat.**  
**margaritaschuyler added dolleypain to the chat.**  
**margaritaschuyler added whales to the chat.**  
**margaritaschuyler:** my friends need help with wedding planning  
**margaritaschuyler:** i’d suggest reading the whole conversation  
**whales:** k  
**adotFIGHTME:** should we add the rest of the squad  
**theogaysia:** why the hell not  
**adotburr:** Go for it  
**adotFIGHTME added turtle to the chat.**  
**adotFIGHTME added americas-favorite-fighting-FRENCH--BREAD to the chat.**  
**adotFIGHTME added angelschuyler to the chat.**  
**adotFIGHTME added gayria to the chat.**  
**adotFIGHTME added gaydrienne to the chat.**  
**adotFIGHTME added marth to the chat.**  
**adotFIGHTME added G-Wash to the chat.**  
**adotFIGHTME added M-Wash to the chat.**  
**whales:** oh, no, green and purple will never work  
**M-Wash:** I have an eye for these things myself, and I agree  
**M-Wash:** I suggest green roses with fake emeralds  
**sallymemeings:** Might be a green overload if you do have it outdoors, though  
**dolleypain:** ^  
**dolleypain:** pale pink curtains are good, they go well with green and give the whole color scheme a softer appearance  
**whales:** in fact, pink flowers would also be a good complement  
**sallymemeings:** Maybe a circle of pink around the roses to separate them from the grass  
**margaritaschuyler:** i swear you guys actually have a psychic bond  
**theogaysia:** that was beautiful. i think you three deserve a medal just for doing that  
**whales:** i wouldnt object to it  
**dolleypain:** neither would i tbh  
**sallymemeings:** DIBS ON KEEPING THE MEDAL  
**dolleypain:** no wtf it’s mine  
**margaritaschuyler:** keep all non-wedding discussions between you three in the work chat please??  
**margaritaschuyler renamed the chat to WEDDING SHIT ONLY**  
**adotburr:** Wait what if we have the wedding in fall instead of spring  
**adotburr:** That would add more contrast in the color scheme  
**adotFIGHTME:** too strong, might stand out _too_ much  
**sallymemeings:** ^ they’re right, a spring wedding is fine  
**sallymemeings:** i like the color scheme you have right now  
**gayria:** also, the dresses you’ve picked out for theo are definitely not for fall  
**marth:** yeah, it’d be way too cold  
**adotburr:** Alright then  
**idontfuckhorses sent two images.**  
**idontfuckhorses:** hey burr this look good so far?  
**idontfuckhorses:** open up ms paint some time and give me the shade of blue you want for your pocket square  
**adotburr:** My what  
**adotburr:** Yes, it looks great, thank you  
**idontfuckhorses:** yoUR POCKET SQUARE  
**idontfuckhorses:** DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A POCKET SQUARE IS  
**theogaysia:** aaron,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, its the thing you put in your chest pocket when you wear a tux,,,,,, ive actually seen you with one,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
**adotburr:** OH  
**adotburr:** FUCK  
**adotburr:** YES RIGHT I’LL GET YOU A SHADE HERCULES  
**whales:** wait is your name really hercules  
**idontfuckhorses:** yeah  
**dolleypain:** ....................................................  
**dolleypain:** ..............................................................  
**dolleypain:** .................................................................................  
**dolleypain:** WELL NO WONDER EVERYONE THINKS YOU FUCK HORSES  
**angelschuyler:** PEGGY I LOVE YOUR NEW COWORKERS  
**sallymemeings:** Good. If we start a relationship Peggy will be even more inclined not to quit  
**angelschuyler:** _holy shit!!!_  
**marth:** you three seem p cool  
**marth:** want in on our group chat?  
**whales:** yeah sure

********_7:26:41 PM_  
**marth added whales to the chat.**  
**marth added dolleypain to the chat.**  
**marth added sallymemeings to the chat.**  
**marth:** (thumbs-up emoji)  
**whales:** (thumbs-up emoji) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so now the flower squad has been inducted into the gay club


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FIRST DAY OF WORK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so school started last week so ive been a) rly busy and b) rly tired i apologize for the late and short chapter  
> also the formattings going to be different from now on bc i started using rich text instead of html and formattings weird

“Okay, Peggy, are you ready?”

“‘Liza, you’re not my mom. And besides, this isn’t even that big of a deal. I’m just switching jobs.” They ran their hands through their straightened hair. “Come on, you and Ange are going to be late and ol’ George-io is going to throw a hissy fit.” _Sally will probably be a bit angry that I’m late too._

“Yeah, Eliza. Let’s go,” Angelica said. “Peggy will be fine.”

They walked together until reaching Starbucks, at which point they split up- Angelica and Eliza went into the Starbucks, and Peggy started towards Hemings Flower Garden.

When they walked in, Sally definitely looked more than a bit angry. _Disappointed? Frustrated? Enraged?_

“Sorry I’m late,” they said, walking behind the counter. “It won’t happen again, Sally.”

“It sure as hell won’t if I have anything to say about it,” she said calmly. “Dolley, you can go home. Take a break. Whatever it is you do when you’re not here.”

“Pokémon Mystery Dungeon,” Martha supplied. Dolley nodded and walked out of the shop.

 

_12:04:21 PM_

**margaritaschuyler:** p a i n

 **margaritaschuyler:** so tired guys

 **whales:** dont forget youre here forever

 **margaritaschuyler:** well shit martha i didnt know you got leT OFF OF WORK EARLY

 **sallymemeings:** MARTHA YOU SACK OF SHIT GET BACK TO WORK

 **whales:** oH GOD OH FUCK OH G O D

 **marth:** i cant believe my double(triple?) is d e a d

 **M-Wash:** I can’t believe my double is dead

 **margaritaschuyler:** i can

 **marth:** we’re all dead inside

 **dolleypain:** tbh true

 **sallymemeings:** d o l l e y

 **dolleypain:** SORRY

 

_5:05:42 PM_

**lizardschuyler:** ho m e

 **margaritaschuyler:** hello dear sister do lee and seabury miss me

 **angelschuyler:** no actually they hate you

 **margaritaschuyler:** yeah i know i hate them too

 **adotFIGHTME:** i hate them too

 **lizardschuyler:** be quiet

 **gayria:** JSKDHCSKHFD ELIZA JESUS CHRIST

 **lizardschuyler:** you still love me

 **gayria:** thats true

 **angelschuyler:** today someone named adrian came in and i wrote adele on her cup

 **margaritaschuyler:** did she react to it

 **angelschuyler:** she looked at it and muttered ‘well, hello’ then walked away

 **margaritaschuyler:** that’s gr8

 **turtle:** sometimes when i go to the store i want to buy alcohol so i can text alex saying ‘im here im queer and ive got beer’

 **adotburr:** When we went to the bar after Maria and Eliza got together Alexander stood on a table and shouted ‘I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m full of beer’

 **adotburr:** I remember because I was the only one of you all that wasn’t completely shitfaced

 **adotFIGHTME:** good to know even when im drunk off my ass i can still do the wordy thing

 **adotburr:** My theory is that your articulation of words gets better the more drunk you are actually

 **lizardschuyler:** tbh? i don’t even doubt that

 **margaritaschuyler:** thats probably tru props to burr for figuring out the mystery

 **turtle:** have you ever tried writing an essay while drunk

 **adotFIGHTME:** i should try

 **adotFIGHTME:** do we have alcohol

 **turtle:** NO

 **turtle:** IT’S TUESDAY

 **adotFIGHTME:** and ?

 **turtle:** WE HAVE W O R K TOMORROW

 **adotFIGHTME:** and ?

 **turtle:** i can hear you in the kitchen do n ot take out the wine

 **turtle:** DID YOU JUST OPEN THE FRIDGE BITCH

 

_5:12:51 PM_

**turtle:** we’re good i took the wine from him

 **adotFIGHTME:** :(

 **turtle:** >:(((((

 **gaydrienne:** return of the five-mouthed beast

 **adotFIGHTME:** don’t be mean to my boyfriend hes not a beast

 **gaydrienne:** you have nothing to worry about i worship the beast

 **adotFIGHTME:** now im sad because theres an innuendo in there i can utilize but i cant figure out how to word it

 **turtle:** goddammit alex

 **adotFIGHTME:** maybe if i get drunk ill be able to figure it out

 **turtle:** im breaking up with you

 **adotFIGHTME:** askdfhcakdfjg

 **adotFIGHTME:** im taking a nap

 **adotFIGHTME:** goodbye

 

_5:49:56 PM_

**adotFIGHTME:** ok so dont laugh

 **turtle:** what happened

 **adotFIGHTME:** i had

 **adotFIGHTME:** the founding father dream again

 **turtle:** n o

 **adotburr:** The what

 **turtle:** well remember how he had a dream that you shot him once

 **adotburr:** Yes I’m still salty about that

 **turtle:** in that dream

 **turtle:** he was a founding father

 **adotburr:** HE WAS A WHAT

 **adotFIGHTME:** they put my face on the ten dollar bill..........

 **adotFIGHTME:** @G-Wash

 **adotFIGHTME:** you were THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

 **G-Wash:** I WOULD HATE BEING PRESIDENT

 **adotFIGHTME:** I KNOW

 **M-Wash:** Would that make me First Lady?

 **adotFIGHTME:** i mean yea but first lady wasnt really a thing until the fourth president

 **M-Wash:** Goddamn 18th century meninists...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sally and g-wash are terrifying bosses

**Author's Note:**

> If you're confused as to jobs and who lives with who, here you go:  
> -Alex and John live together. (Unfortunately, not in a relationship yet.) They both work for Washington in a boring office job.  
> -Herc and Laf live together. They also both work for Washington in a boring office job.  
> -Burr lives with his old college roommates.  
> -The gay squad (Theo, Adri, and Maria) live together. They work at a neighborhood salon. (In the Heights fans, if you squint, Maria is Daniela, Theo is Carla, and Adri is Vanessa.)  
> -The Schuyler sisters live together. They work at a coffee shop.


End file.
